Old Dudes

 I spent half my life in a long term relationship so, dating in general was all new to me until a little over three years ago. One thing I learned is that it is now okay for young guys & older chicks to date. I like this. I like this a lot. Long gone are the days where that one creepy, old dude at the bar (yeah, you know him) was some chick’s only viable option. Old guys, get in check because the playing field has been LEVELED. Hell, for many, it’s been completely demolished.

Now, I’m not your typical chick. I avoid most “chick things” like the plague. However, I am aware of what most chicks find attractive in a man & financial security is really high on that list. Most chicks want to fall in love, get married, have babies, blah, blah, blah. I believe this is what chicks call “growing up”. Me? I call it a life sentence. Marriage is like prom. Nothing impressive but at least you went. Home ownership? Overrated. Babies? Well, that’s just crazy.

What I have learned from the dating world & the low ratio of thirty something men compared to guys in their 20′s & 40′s on online dating sites is that the thirty somethings are “wifed up”. I see what you look like in your 20′s & what you look like when you are back on the market in your 40′s and old guys, it is not pretty. Considering the average US marriage lasts only 8 years & you are not the one’s who’s bodies are being put through pregnancy, old guys, I really don’t know what you are thinking when you slip a ring onto a chick’s finger other than “I can now eat all the hot wings in the world & drink beer like it’s water”. Homer Simpson is NOT A REAL PERSON. Stop aspiring to be him.

So, now you are back on the dating market with most of your income going to child support & alimony, you are balding & your six pack has turned into a keg. Remember that creepy, old guy at the bar I mentioned earlier? Yes, this is now you except now, you sign up to a dating site & send the same copied & pasted message to 3,000 different chicks & while you find yourself posting drunk Facebook statuses about how “women don’t want a good man” & come to realize that your son’s friends have become your dating competition I, for one, will be smiling a crooked little smile for all the years that society accepted the female/male versions of May-December relationships only & greatly appreciating that we no longer live in those times. Playing. Field. Demolished.