I think most single people are looking to “click” with someone but, what I’m wondering is, are potentially great matches being blown off due to the “Eh Factor”? I’m pretty reclusive and have social anxiety so I tend to not meet up with people unless I’m pretty interested. I could be missing out on someone great because they don’t seem that great to me online & through texting. On the other hand, I could just be being practical by thinking “if I don’t think he’s awesome online, he’s not going to get any better in person”.
Due to being “Anxiety Girl” I tend to tell myself I’m being sensible by going with my practicality theory. The thought of meeting someone new makes me break out in a sweat as it is, much less the idea of having to spend time with someone I might have to create an escape plan for. Meeting in a public place gives me even more anxiety than meeting someone new. You know how Raj and Lucy on the Big Bang Theory had a texting date? That would be a dream date for me (if I had to have a date in a public place). When nervous I stutter so a text date would be perfect. I’d probably be more apt to meet up with someone I’m “eh” about if they put together a date like that. Lucy is much braver than me by forcing herself to be social. But, that’s not real life, unfortunately.
I’ve actually had some dates at my place. The entire issue of being in public is eliminated this way. I’m on my home turf, I have my dog to help me feel more comfortable and to help avoid making eye contact. I don’t have the build up of nervousness during the ride to a meeting place and don’t have the horrible “walking in the door” anxiety. Unfortunately, I’m stuck with the “Eh Guy” for an evening though, if we hang at my place.
When I’m considering forcing myself to hang out with one of these guys, I recall a friend’s story of her first date with her now husband. She was bitchy, attempted to leave him in the restaurant (telling him she wasn’t “feeling it”) and got her heel caught in a subway grate while attempting to hail a cab and fell on her face. He came after her and when he tried to help her up, she yelled at him. He somehow convinced her to stay then she got drunk, cried and spilled marinara sauce on herself. They’ve been together ever since.
As much as I love the above story, I’m pretty sure I’ll continue to blow off the “Eh Guy”. I just haven’t come up with a half comfortable solution of meeting up yet. Just writing this blog has made me light headed, breathe shorter breaths and made my muscles clench. Sorry, “Eh Guy”, it’s not you. It’s me.
**Update: The friend & husband mentioned above are divorcing. I no longer question the eh factor.
Adventures in Online Dating 